Verizon: We Have Rabid Fanboys Working Harder To Shut You Up
I'll make this short, I promise.
So, I cross posted my FIOS review to DSLReports.com and linked back to this site. Oh my.
Turns out, the site has a very aggressive contingent of goons who actively attack any negative FIOS review that shows up. I checked other FIOS review and saw reports of the same thing. If you have anything bad to say about FIOS, expect to get attacked. Fortunately, the site moderators are good about deleting flames and trolls. My thanks to DSLReports.com for being on top of that stuff.
So far, the attacks are pretty amateurish. A few flame baits here, and a couple of morons who thought they were clever in linking to my MySpace page. I didn't even raise my eyebrow when I saw the WordPress warning e-mail that said someone tried to reset my password.
I find it sad and interesting that these groups exist. Whether it's for a favored service, a politician, or a pseudo-religion, there are people who are so paranoid about negative press that they will do absolutely anything to exponge it from the public consciousness. You would think they would at least have the courage to allow the merits of their precious to stand on their own.
Unless, of course, their precious doesn't really have any merits.
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[ fios published on 2007-03-26 | Comments (0) | Permalink (1,862) ]
Verizon: We Don't Have A Goddamn Clue
This just keeps getting better and better. Following up on yesterday's billing debacle, I was surprised to learn that I could, in fact, see my bill online today. Not only could I see it, but its contents differ greatly from what Erin "Oh No You Dih-int" the Billing rep described to me.
First, I'll show you the bill, then let's follow up with a call to billing:
New Charges
Verizon Broadband Services
FiOS Internet Access for resuuuun
- Verizon Fios Internet Service Mar 21 - Mar 21 $1.25
- Verizon Fios Internet Service Mar 22 - Apr 21 $34.95
- Activation Fee Mar 21 $19.99
- Installation Mar 21 $69.99
- Wireless Router Mar 21 $139.99
- VZ Fios Cons Installation Credit - $69.99
- VZ Con Fios Wireless Router 100% - $139.99
Disc
- State Tax $1.30
- City Tax $.46
Total FiOS Internet Access for resuuuun $57.95
Total Verizon Broadband Services $57.95
Total New Charges $57.95
For Your Information
Verizon Online provides all services.
How to Reach Us
Questions about Verizon Broadband Services or
most other Verizon internet services?
Verizon FiOS Internet
Visit: netservices.verizon.net
Call: 1-888-553-1555
If you compare my bill with my call to Erin yesterday, you see that nearly nothing she said matches up to what my bill says. The prorated term is completely different, the monthly rate is, in fact, listed at $34.95, and there are taxes. So, what I'm gathering is that Erin completely talked out her ass because, as other billing reps said, she did not have access to my bill and BS'ed her way through it all. YAY ERIN! YAY VERIZON! Now, normally I would follow up with a call to billing. But, in traditional idiotic Verizon fashion, I spent several minutes walking through voice prompts only to be told at the very end that the Billing department is only open on weekdays. (D'OH #whatever, I'm giving up counting.)
I hate you, Verizon. Down to the very last detail you make it a headache for customers to deal with you. I'll see you on Monday.
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[ fios published on 2007-03-24 | Comments (0) | Permalink (2,899) ]
Verizon FIOS: And The Insults Keep Coming
So, I looked at my bank account this morning, as I always do, and I saw a new charge on my account:
You need to let Erin "finish telling you how it is, and then you can ax your question."
My monthly rate is $29.99 for the first six months, and there's a one-time activation fee on the account of $19.99. So where does the extra $8 come from? Is it taxes and fees? I decided to find out, considering that I didn't have a bill.
What follows is yet another example of Verizon's utter incompetence.
And on the fourth day, God said you can see your bill...
Wouldn't you know it? I got Erin, the sassy black "oh no you dih-int" bitch from Hell that always gives me attitude. I was not looking forward to this call.
Listen to Verizon FIOS rep Erin
Get the Flash Player to see this player.
The breakdown results of the call:
- Billing happens one week in advance of your billing cycle. If your billing cycle starts on March 29, your card will be billed on March 23.
- Your online statement won't be ready for you to view until four days after you've been charged. (I learned this on a different call)
- You need to let Erin "finish telling you how it is, and then you can ax your question." (Yes, she really said this.)
Oh Yes She Dih-id!
At the beginning of the call, Erin tried to tell me that my rate is $34.95 (no, it's $29.99), and then backpedaled horribly and denied her statements and even tried to convince me of the wrong rate when she realized she was wrong toward the end of the call.
When I tried to call her on her mistake, she blew her top at me and asked me to call back. This is why I hate Erin: her accuracy and phone skills are incredibly poor, and she never ever admits mistakes, even when they're blatant.
This company continues to defy logic. Why did I order this service again?
The Follow-Up: 2007-03-24 My Bill Shows Up
Surprisingly, my bill showed up sooner than expected: today. Not surprisingly, the details of my bill differ greatly than what Erin "read" to me.
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[ fios published on 2007-03-23 | Comments (0) | Permalink (3,915) ]
Verizon FIOS: We're Working Harder To Do Everything We Possibly Can To Screw Up
This is the story and review of how it took Verizon six months to get fiber optic internet installed to my home. Six. Months.
Before I get into the horror story of why it took so long, and why I continue to despise Verizon, let's focus on reviewing the product itself.
Vital Stats
Provider: Verizon Fiber OpticService: Data (voice/tv not avail)
Speed: 5mb dn/2mb up
Cost: $30/mo 1st 6 mo, $40/mo after
Fees: $19.99 activation fee, free install
Grades
Site work: F
Installation: F
Product: B
Cust. Svc: F
Website: Verizonfios.com
What is FIOS?
Verizon FIOS is Verizon's answer to Comcast broadband. Fiber optic internet, phone, and TV to your doorstep at competitive pricing to Comcast. The competition gets a little complicated when you figure in the deals for bundling service (more on that later), but it generally evens out. At the moment, Verizon has the edge for price/performance.
What happens when you order FIOS?
Verizon is rolling out FIOS to a limited number of areas. This means laying the infrastructure all the way from the street level to your home or apartment, because absolutely nothing exists. They can't go through existing phone or coax wiring because fiber is totally different. Once reserved for the almighty internet backbone, fiber optic is literally light pulses going down a strand of clear poly/glass, much like those fiber optic light shows
You can check the FIOS website (see sidebar) to see if service is available in your area. If it is, ordering service means a painfully long ordeal of having install crews jump around your street, your building, and your attic. They'll want to break concrete and bury lines. They'll want to lay conduit on the side of your building. You'll talk to local construction contractors in the process. I'm dead serious.
Verizon claims it takes a couple of weeks for most home installations, and a little longer for apartments and condos, for crews to show up. Work is done on a steady schedule:
- One crew pulls the fiber from the street pole down to your property.
- The next crew puts a box on the outside of your building, and drops wiring into your attic.
- The next crew pulls the wiring from your attic into your home and puts in either a CAT5 jack and router (for apartments and condos), or a full set of equipment (for homes).
After that, internet service is the same as DSL and cable: plug in your own router, or connect your computer(s) directly to their hardware.
Verizon provides a detailed explanation of how the process works. I recommend reading through the explanation. It's very good at laying out the process. Unfortunately, the process is a complete clusterfuck. I'll explain why at the end.
Pictures
Equipment at the street level. If you've seen a Verizon truck on your street doing stuff for days at a time within the last six months, FIOS is probably available in your area. YAY VERIZON!
More street level equipment. YAY VERIZON!
Lots of obnoxious poles bring the fiber down to the ground. YAY VERIZON!
A typical installation on the side of a building. Oh look, they were kind enough to leave their crap laying all around. YAY VERIZON!
The FIOS box. Notice the crappy unfinished conduit and exposed wire. That little yellow thing is the fiber optic line. All it takes is one curious cat and it's all over for the entire building. YAY VERIZON!
Look at the shiny new conduit! It carries fiber from the box to the attic! It's obtrusive, flimsy AND obnoxious! YAY VERIZON!
Lots of exposed wiring and incomplete conduit for getting fiber into the attic through a side vent that was jarred open to accomodate the installation. YAY VERIZON!
The indoor equipment. Oh my christ. If you're a home, you get one of these. If you're an apartment, you're theoretically supposed to get just the black box and all the rest goes in a phone closet somewhere. Later, I'll explain why I got it all. Yes, this is a permanent installation and you don't get to move it around. Everything is punched down as tight as possible with absolutely no regard for your drywall. Why can't they put this crap in the attic? Because the crew that does this installation is union, and they just don't do that sort of thing. YAY VERIZON!
This is the ONT1000 (optical Network Terminal) by Motorola. It's big and industrial and was not meant to be seen by humans. It's about 18" tall. YAY VERIZON!
This is the battery backup for the ONT. That's right: battery backup. At least they're thinking ahead to the day when I'll need my internet to work during a power outage. Because, seriously -- it will. YAY VERIZON!
The AC adapter for the battery backup. I'm willing to bet they have several versions depending on how the installer intends to draw power. YAY VERIZON!
Oh look, it's an Actiontec MI424WR router. What were the chances? I read the reviews of this unit, and they're all mediocre to horrific. I tried using the interface to configure the unit. In typical Actiontec fashion, it sucks. For example, you do have WPA encryption on the unit, but the only way to get to it is in an advanced menu two levels deep. WEP encryption is a permanent fixture on the status page, even if you don't use it. Yes, you can replace this router with one of your choice, as long as you clone this router's mac address to your's. That's all the ONT checks for. YAY VERIZON!
The back of the Actiontec router. Is that a coax? Why, yes it is! Does it get used in this installation? No. Have I tried plugging into my Comcast coax? Hell no. YAY VERIZON!
How's the speed and latency?
Here's where it gets interesting. I originally wanted to dump Comcast because I was getting 4mbit down/384k up for $55/mo from them. When Verizon came along, I couldn't resist. However, what I didn't realize is that when you also bundle cable, Comcast boosts your speed to 8mbit dn/1.5mbit up and they take the price down to $45/mo. Well, crap.
Fortunately, FIOS seems to be performing as promised, but it's only been in for 6 hours. Latency appears to be on par with Comcast. It doesn't look like they're blocking any ports or traffic other than port 80. I ordered the 5mbit down/2mbit up package because it was the absolute cheapest. Installation is free with a one-year contract. Activation fee is $19.99. Service comes with a 30-day money back guarantee.
I'll follow up this review with another in 30 days to see how the installation's performance holds up.
Speakeasy.net speed test results:
Speed through Comcast: 8.4mbit down/1.48mbit up
Speed through Verizon using their crappy Actiontec router: 5.07mbit down/1.79mbit up
Speed through Verizon after replacing the Actiontec with my Linksys: 5.07mbit down/1.79mbit up. No speed penalty even though the Actiontec threatened me with as much. Remember to clone the Actiontec mac address to your router if you're going to swap it out. The ONT only talks to one mac address.
Everything is in and working. Why did you give FIOS mostly failing grades?
Heh. That's a funny story. See, I'm of the silly opinion that it doesn't take six months to get anything installed. It takes six months to build a house. It takes six months to pwn a middle east country. It should not take six months to bring a silly wire from the street to the house. It should not take literally dozens of phone calls to floor supervisors, local managers and contractors. But that's exactly what happened. Here's where my horror story begins:
The Horror! THE HORROR!!!
October 2006 - I got a nice packet in the mail announcing that FIOS is available immediately. The packet was addressed specifically to me with my apartment number. I thought to myself, "cool! They know I'm in an apartment." I confirmed through the online sign-up that FIOS is available at my address, down to my apartment number. I signed up right away.
Well, I tried to anyway. The online ordering system takes all of your information including your credit card number and dies with an obnoxious error on the last step. The truly annoying part is that the website authorizes your card before it can complete everything. Silly me, I didn't realize this and attempted the sign up fifteen times. Then I saw a $15 hole in my bank account. (D'OH #1) It took a 30 minute call to Verizon to get signed up over the phone. But, at least I did.
I got a confirmation e-mail with an installation date. No problem. The install date came and went and nobody showed up. I called customer service. They said they didn't know I was an apartment (D'OH #2), therefore they need to redo some things. My install date was pushed out to November. Argh.
November 2006 - My install date came and I got a call from Verizon in California stating that they didn't know I was an apartment (D'OH #3) and that there are some special California laws (D'OH #4) regarding multi-family installations. "WTF? I'm in Washington, lady." The rep apologized profusely. While attempting to determine when I could expect my installation, she asked me if I'm enjoying this unseasonably fine California weather (D'OH #4). I was then told that my order is TBD, and Verizon will call me as soon as they have a firm date for installation. In the mean time I was given a permission form for the building owner to fill out so a construction crew can break concrete, lay wiring, and crawl around the building. "You have got to be kidding me."
"Sir, I think I know our products pretty well, and there's no such thing as fie-ohsss here. Maybe you're thinking of another company."
I e-mailed the signed permission form back to a different person who had "taken ownership of the projects in Washington" and promised immediate action. I think his name was Hector? I don't remember, I gave up taking notes for a while.
December 2006 - I called for an update. Nothing. I reminded them I'm an apartment. Call back was promised. I never got a call back. I had yet to see a construction crew show up and break concrete. (D'OH #5)
January 2007 - I called for an update. Nothing. I reminded them I'm an apartment. Call back was promised. I never got a call back. I had yet to see a construction crew show up and break concrete. (D'OH #6)
I received a Verzion bill for telephone service. WTF? (D'OH #7) I called customer service asking what's up, and they explained that phone service was part of my DSL order. (D'OH #8) It took nearly an hour for them to figure out that FIOS is not DSL. My favorite customer service rep quote: "Sir, I think I know our products pretty well, and there's no such thing as fie-ohsss here. Maybe you're thinking of another company."
God, I wish.
February 2007 - I got a call from an automated system telling me my install date is ready. Finally! I talked to a live person who confirmed my install date. I reminded her that I'm an apartment, and I had yet to see a construction crew break concrete. I didn't see a box on the side of my building. She said that's fine and I shouldn't worry because I probably can't see it anyway. Oooookay. (D'OH #9)
Install day - A nice technician named Scott showed up with a confused look on his face: he couldn't find the box on the side of my building. I said, "you shouldn't worry because you probably can't see it anyway. That's what the nice Verizon lady told me." Scott was not amused. He asked when a construction crew was out. I said I had not seen a construction crew at all, except for the crew on the street last October. Scott, while standing four feet away from me at all times, explained that unless a construction crew brings fiber from the street to my building, there's nothing he can do because he just installs equipment on the inside of the house. (D'OH #10) He was also surprised that I'm an apartment because his service ticket indicated I'm a single-family unit (house). (D'OH #11)
If a manager wants to hang up with you and give you a call back don't let him. Managers never call back.
When I explained that I've been waiting for this order since October, Scott was horrified and told me to call local construction manager Brad Jones at 425-820-3021 in a week, and he would be able to straighten everything out for me and get me installed in a couple of weeks. I called Brad. Twice. He never called me back. (D'OH #12)
That's when I got pissed.
Two weeks after install day
Still nothing, so I decided to brave FIOS customer service at 888-553-1555. BIG MISTAKE. I've dealt with incompetent customer service teams before, but never on a scale this mind boggling. I cannot fully describe to you how frustrating it is to talk to manager after manager and get a different answer every time. "Your order is pending." "Your order is in jeopardy." "I don't see an order for you." "I see your order is complete." "We don't do fiber to apartments." "We do fiber to apartments all the time." "Oh, the delay is that we don't have permission from your building owner." "I see the e-mail where you sent in the PDF of your building owner's signed permission form." "I see you're ordering DSL." It was between this date and the end of March that I made dozens of phone calls. Every day. Twice a day. Three times a day.
Here's what I've learned about Verizon FIOS customer service:
- If you're not ordering Verizon phone service, it will take the rep five minutes to pull up your account every time. (D'OH #13)
- A rep or a manager will ask for your call back number every time you call. Not because they want to verify information, but because their data entry system can't store call back numbers. (D'OH #14)
- If a manager wants to hang up with you and give you a call back don't let him. Managers never call back. Probably because the data entry system can't store call back numbers.
- You will spend approximately 75% of your call time on hold.
- Hold times are generally 3 minutes to get to a rep, and 10 minutes if you need to be transferred anywhere. This happens frequently. (D'OH #15)
- If your hold time is greater than 10 minutes, the phone system will most likely hang up on you. (D'OH #16)
- The 888-553-1555 number is billed as a tech support line. It's actually a pool that takes you to support, customer service, billing, ordering, or the operator. (D'OH #17)
- I hate to stereotype, but the main call center sounds like it's from Alabama or Georgia, and all the reps sound brain dead enough to be from those states. You know those reps who can't be bothered to enunciate as they introduce themselves with a 15 second script and will make up any BS answer to get you off the line? Those are the ones. (D'OH #18)
- Especially annoying is Erin in the orders group. I hate to stereotype even more, but she sounds like your typical fat, sassy black chick who sounds like she's doing the "oh no you dih-int" head bobbing thing every time she puts you on hold or hangs up on you in mid-sentence because she doesn't feel like dealing with you. I had to deal with her several times. She's the most useless, obnoxious human being ever. (D'OH #19)
You get the idea. I literally dealt with manager after manager for another week and a half without results or call backs, even though they were promised every time. Even Brad the supervisor promised me a call back the next day. Then he explained he could not call me back because he had a doctor's appointment the next day, but he would have another manager handle the case. I never heard from him or anyone else again. (D'OH #20)
Contractors are arguing over who has to handle complexes under and over a specific size.
One of the times I sat on hold, I went through the Verizon site and noticed that the pricing had changed. Originally, the price was $30/mo. Now it's $30/mo for the first six months, and $40/mo after that. (D'OH #21) Currently, I wonder what pricing I'll get? I placed my order back in October, but my install didn't happen for six months. It'll be interesting to see how Verizon bills me.
Getting Lucky with Randall
Then I got lucky: the only sane and competent person in the entire FIOS organization is Randall the floor supervisor in the Park West Dallas call center. Nobody has extensions, so that's how you have to ask for him. (When you ask for a supervisor, every rep uses the scripted line, "are you sure there's nothing I can help you with?" to which you must simply reply, "no. Fuck off and get me Randall the floor supervisor in the Park West Dallas call center.")Randall listened to my issue, promised to research it and return my call. HE DID. He called exactly when he promised he would and he got answers to what was happening.
What was happening
The problem is multi-family units. Specifically, there were two problems. Contractors are arguing over who has to handle complexes under and over a specific size. My complex is right on that size threshold so contractors would come out, take one look, say "WTF" and throw me to the other side of the threshold where the other contractor would do the exact same thing and throw me back. (D'OH #22) Repeat ad nauseum.
I had yet to see a construction crew break concrete. I didn't see a box on the side of my building. She said that's fine and I shouldn't worry because I probably can't see it anyway. Oooookay.
Also, multi-family units use different ONT equipment than homes. If you're a home, you get an ONT 1000 which is designed for one installation. If you're a complex, you get a different ONT which is desigend to route traffic to dozens of units from a centralized location. (Remember how I mentioned apartments are supposed to only see CAT5 and a router in each unit? Yeah.) The problem was a shortage of multi-family ONT's. (D'OH #23)
Randall, who forever receives my gratitude, took ownership of the situation and called the local managers himself to straighten this out. He allocated a local contractor who agreed to complete my install as if I were a single-family. So, instead of getting a CAT5 outlet in my wall, I got the whole mess. I guess that's a good thing? It's hard to say when it looks like there's a tiny phone company in your utility closet. I actually get the creeps every time I walk by it. It's as if Verizon has a slimy tentacle lightly tickling the corner of my mind reminding me, "I'm always with you, Imzadi."
The Home Stretch
Naturally, there were a few bumps in the road. Randall handed my case off to Janet Griffis, OSP Construction Core Coordinator (phone: 425-712-3256, cell: 425-327-0929), who personally came out to my property, apologized for the five month delay in my order, and walked me through what was going to happen. A construction crew would be out in 24 hours to do a "tap" directly to my building. It's quicker, but uglier. Instead of breaking concrete, the line would simply be laid to my building. That sounded terribly ugly and just begging for a disaster, but Janet seemed to think it was okay. I was too tired to argue.
It turned out that Janet is a moron. The outside construction crew did the work in a manner completely different to what Janet explained to me.
Janet also went through my home with me. We decided that the ONT equipment would go in my utility closet, since it was an easy wall drop from the attic. When Janet asked me where I wanted my CAT5 outlet, I specified the living room since that's where all my internet hardware was centered at already. Janet said she would get my final install date set for about 4 days from that day. "I'll get Scott back out here on Tuesday!" was her line.
Lastly, Janet informed me that they were going to go ahead and prep a box for the other building, too. Um, Janet? That's owned by someone else, not us. Did you not do your homework on the properties? (D'OH #24) I watched as Janet's crew stopped mid-stroke and started pulling down the box with the speed and fear of teenagers who had just been caught TP'ing old man Johnson's apple tree.
And, with some notes, Janet was off.
Dammit, Janet!
Unfortunately, it turned out that Janet is a moron. The outside construction crew did the work in a manner completely different to what Janet explained to me. Completely different. (To their credit, their work made much more sense than what Janet proposed.) Her attic wiring crew turned out to be a couple of chaw-spitting 20-something good ol' boys who left a trail of salivatic destruction everywhere they went: the driveway, the sidewalk, the steps to my door. Janet promised their work would take half an hour. It took two hours. (D'OH #25)
Three days later, I got a call from customer service advising my earliest install date was at least a week out. (D'OH #26) That's not what Janet promised. Called Janet. Janet apologized profusely and took ownership of the issue. Janet called me back an hour later to advise that yes, the earliest install date is in fact at least a week away, and I would need to be onsite for four hours during the middle of the day while the work was done. (D'OH #27) When I explained that isn't going to work because I'm out during the days, Janet worked the problem some more and came back to me with an evening install time that worked great. Janet also gave me a guilt trip about the technicians being union and evening work would have to have authorized over time and all this other blah blah blah crap that didn't matter to me. Sorry, Janet. I feel absolutely no sympathy for your organization.
Two days ago I got the automated reminder that said "your install date is Wednesday, from Noon to 4pm!" (D'OH #28) Um, no it's not. Janet set me up with an evening date. Called customer service with a dreadful sinking feeling. Customer service confirmed install appointment is for 12:30. (D'OH #29) Who did I deal with? Fat obnoxious black chick Erin, of course. Erin, in so many words, told me to fuck off and hung up on me. (D'OH #30) As usual. I called Janet and left her a message. I never got a call back. (D'OH #31) I checked the Verizon website to see the install schedule of my order: 8:30am to 12:30pm. (D'OH #32)
Scott replied that the ONT location is fine, but that he doesn't "fish" walls, so a CAT5 drop is my responsibility, contrary to what Janet had promised.
Today, March 21, nearly six months after my original order, the Return of Scott
Fortunately, I got to have the day off, so I was available all day for the install. Scott, the original installer from last month, came today at 1pm (D'OH #33). I showed him where Janet and I agreed the ONT will go, and where the CAT5 drop will be. Scott replied that the ONT location is fine, but that he doesn't "fish" walls (a process of running wires from an attic to an outlet location in a wall that's already been constructed and stuffed with insulation), so a CAT5 drop is my responsibility, contrary to what Janet had promised. (D'OH #34) Um, WTF? Called Janet. Left her another message. Never called me back. (D'OH #35) Gave her name to Scott because he was looking mighty pissed that someone said that to me. Listened quiety as Scott and his assistant made all sorts of interesting comments about what a crappy job the attic wiring guys did. (D'OH #36) Why am I not surprised?
Two hours later, Scott was done and my install was complete. After Scott left, I sat with my cat and cried for 10 minutes.
Epilogue
So there you have it. Like all phone companies, Verizon's new FIOS department is utterly FUBAR. In the end, it's a zero sum game. Originally, I took comfort that I would be sticking it to Comcast, our state-sponsored monopoly, and investing in a forward-thinking technology. But, in reality, I'm just taking money out of the mouth of one horrible monster and putting it into the mouth of another. I can't really say I'm happy. I can't really say I'm glad I have FIOS. Maybe I'll move up to the next speed package and download episodes of Boston Legal
But I don't really care. Verizon killed my excitement about getting Verizon. And that's sad.
Update: 3/22/07 - The Final Insult
So the Verizon automated phone service calls me to take a survey.
Automated system: "Rate your installation experience from 1 to 5, where 1 is outstanding and 5 is poor." I pressed 5. "I'm sorry to hear that. Please wait while I connect you to a FIOS representative." Um, why? The install is over with. There's nothing a service rep can do. But, hey, I might as well talk to them one more time just to reminisce.
Justin: "Thank you for calling Verizon, this is Justin. How can I help you?"
Me: "I don't know, Justin. I was taking a phone survey. When I said my installation was poor, I was connected to you. Why am I here?"
Justin: "Because you selected poor on the survey. Whenever you indicate anything as poor, you get connected to a live person."
Me: "That doesn't make any sense. If I replied that my installation wasn't working, then I could see connecting to a rep. But all I can really do at this point in time is tell you how much the installation sucks, and that just doesn't seem very productive."
Justin: "Is there anything I can do to help you today?"
Me: "Well, not unless you can wave a magic wand, go back six months in time, and help me change my mind about this disaster."
Justin: "*chuckle* Well, if you need any help, we're here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
Me: "No, you're not."
Justin: "Um, actually we are."
Me: "No. You can answer the phone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. But, if there's any actual trouble on the line, the departments who actually do the fixing only work 8 to 5, Monday through Friday in their respective timezones. You guys are just information monkeys who collect complaints and then route them to groups who don't care and never call back. Thus, if I need actual help, I should call between 8 and 4 on a weekday. A supervisor told me that once back in February."
Justin: "..."
Me: "Actually, I would like to complain about the quality of my install. I mean, why not?"
Justin: "Is your service not working?"
Me: "No, my service is working. I'm just not happy about the fact that there's this giant, ugly, obnoxious ONT box on my wall with ugly, obnoxious punched down wiring. I'm also not pleased about the flimsy, ugly, obnoxious conduit on the side of my home with the single fiber optic line exposed to the outside world making it a perfect target for a cat or a raccoon to chew through it. Not to mention the giant box of conduit your installers left laying on the ground. In general, the contractors did a really crappy job on this install."
Justin: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
Me: "You haven't helped me with the first thing."
Justin: "The first thing?"
Me: "The crappy install."
Justin: "Well, like you said, there really isn't much we can do about that."
Me: "Why am I not surprised?"
Justin: "Is there anything else I can help you with?"
Me: "Actually, I do have a question: despite all my warnings to stay away at all costs, my friend wants to get FIOS, and he's specifically wondering if the install tech will do a CAT5 drop in a wall?"
Justin: "Absolutely. The install tech can do that."
Me: "That's funny. The install tech I dealt with said he doesn't do that and that I have to do my own wiring."
Justin: "..."
Me: "So, Justin, would you like to help me with my install issue or my CAT5 issue?"
Justin: "uh..."
Me: "Or, perhaps you'd like to get me to a supervisor?"
Justin: "Right away."
*click, Justin hangs up the line instead of putting me on hold or getting a call back number, not that it would matter anyway* YAY VERIZON!
Edit 2007-03-23: The First Billing Nightmare
See http://www.rfjason.com/?p=23 for the latest chapter. I learn that it's standard practice to bill customers a full week before their billing cycles start. They also have a process lag where your credit card is charged, but you can't see your bill for another four days. You have to wait for it to "post." This time, I record the call with Erin, the fat sassy black obnoxious "oh no you dih-int" bitch from Hell. Have a listen as she blows her stack at me when I catch her making a bad mistake.
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[ fios published on 2007-03-21 | Comments (30) | Permalink (14,967) ]
Tainted Savage Love
Dan Savage can't shut up about me. Download Dan's latest podcast. Fast forward to 18:30. Good stuff. About me.
Normally, Savage is a good thoughtful guy. But, on this instance, here's why he's a fucking idiot:
False Assumption: They were all BDSMers
Savage makes the assumption that the category of responders to the Experiment were all BDSM practitioners or looking for kinky sex.
Truth: No they're not. Did you read what these guys wrote? The guys who were most apt to provide personally identifiable information were not BDSM veterans in either the light or hardcore sense, nor were they even up to providing what was specified in the fake ad. They were just dumbfucks trolling for what they ignorantly perceived as an easy piece of ass. Some of them didn't even read the ad, they just replied with nonsense. They were smelt fishing.
This is what Craigslist is like for women, I've learned. Of all the responders, maybe two could be classified as appropriate BDSM practitioners. And both of those guys were very responsible with their replies.
False Assumption: Just hand out your personal information
Dan says while searching for BDSM on Craigslist, responders (tops/doms in this case) should always provide their real contact info.
Truth: NOT RIGHT AWAY, DAN! If it's insane to post your personal information in a CL ad, why would it be any more sane to just hand out your personal information to a complete stranger in response? If you're looking for a trustworthy encounter, you have to build the trust first, not just hand it out like candy.
In fact, if you Google around (you know, Google, that thing you told that other poor tranny-curious bastard to use) for other BDSM opinions on this Experiment, you would learn that most BDSMers, especially Dom Mistresses, frown on looking for encounters on Craigslist because it's so unreliable as a fetish matching system. No hxc BDSM woman would advertise herself like that on CL. Anyone trolling for BDSM ass on CL is begging for trouble.
False Assumption: Jason is a jackass asshole motherfucker
Truth: No, I'm a sociopath. There's a difference. Look it up on wikipedia.
Come on, Dan. You're a smart guy. I know that you can do better to discuss and talk about this old meme controversy instead of just blasting away like the empty headed flamers that show up on occasion. - J
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[ craigslist published on 2006-11-07 | Comments (8) | Permalink (1,563) ]
Don't Tread On Me (Or, how I learned to stop worrying and ignore DMCA threats.)
So, the closest thing I've received to legal action was a DMCA request two weeks ago from the lawyer of this guy, one of our favorite Craigslist Experiment responders:
zaarra@pobox.com "Ok, this is a reality check. If you are real, then we're good to go, because I am too. I'll give you exactly what you need. I'm an experienced smart creative Dominant and will take you down just the way you like it. Z"
Nice, yes? I thought so, too. Oh, by the way ED, if you're reading this, you can safely put his stuff back up on the list of responders. Good times.
So, what is DMCA, you ask? Simple, it's a legal system originally designed by big business to squash illegal file trading by going after those who casually post copyrighted material. It has seen been expanded to protect the rights of emo bitches who make shitty icons for LiveJournal, etc.
How Stuff Works: DMCA Edition
I'm posting your copyrighted work on my site? No problem! Have your lawyer draft a "takedown" letter to my webhost, claiming copyright infringement, referencing the DMCA (Digital Millenium Copyright Act).
Ignore the fact that you have no claim to copyright whatsoever. That's not important. What is important is that you take the cheapest route to intimidation possible. Either that, or you realize that you don't have shit for a case and pray to God that I don't know how to deal with a DMCA request. (Like 10 Zen Monkeys)
When your lawyer is done, the letter might look something like this:
Make sure to include pages and pages of pointless whining. Your attorney who has only had her license for about 6 months probably told you that was a good idea and it would help your case.
Then, in a couple of days I will receive an e-mail that looks something like this:
Hello,
We have received a formal DMCA (Digital Millennium Copyright Act) notice regarding allegedly infringing content hosted on your site. The specific content in question is as follows:
http://www.rfjason.com/temp/zaff1-300.jpg
The party making the complaint (Heidi I. Schmid, Attorney at Law, hschmid@muddlawoffices.com), claims under penalty of perjury to be or represent the copyright owner of this content. Pursuant to 17 U.S.C. § 512(c), we have removed access to the content in question.
http://www.loc.gov/copyright/title17/92chap5.html#512
If you believe that these works belong to you and that the copyright ownership claims of this party are false, you may file a DMCA counter-notification in the form described by the DMCA, asking that the content in question be reinstated. Unless we receive notice from the complaining party that a lawsuit has been filed to restrain you from posting the content, we will reinstate the content in question within 10-14 days after receiving your counter-notification (which will also be forwarded on to the party making the complaint). This response can be sent directly to me at ****@dreamhost.com.
In the meantime, we ask that you do not replace the content in question, or in any other way distribute it in conjunction with our services. Please also be advised that copyright violation is strictly against our Terms and Conditions, and such offenses risk resulting in immediate disablement of your account should you not cooperate (not to mention the legal risk to you if they are true).
http://www.dreamhost.com/tos.html
We also ask that if you are indeed infringing upon the copyright associated with these works that you delete them from your account immediately, and let us know once this has been done. We also ask that you delete any other infringing works not listed in this takedown notification, if they exist.
If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to let us know.
Thanks!
Now, you probably weren't counting on the fact that I'm no stranger to DMCA and I know how to respond to one. For those of you who have never had to reply to a DMCA takedown notification, you will want to research DMCA COUNTER NOTIFICATION PROCEDURE.
This is the really great part. The counter notification basically says "you're a liar liar pants on fire" and adds that if you don't respond within 14 days, I get to put my shit back up.
I send the counter notification to my webhost, who then notifies your attorney, and your attorney notifies you and follows up with something like "this will cost thousands of dollars to follow through." And then you swallow, and smack your forehead, and you don't repond within the alloted 14 day period specified in the counter notification and my shit goes back up.
And that's the way it goes! Thanks for playing. All contestants on the RFJason Show get "The Craigslist Experiment" home game and free turtlewax.
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